Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
