My balls are so social today.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
