My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
