I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
