marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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