Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
