to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
