We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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