whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
