if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
