Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He shit in the fireplace
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
