We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
