You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
