Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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