you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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