he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
