and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
