Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
