I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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