6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
