"it" just moved
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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