fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
