I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
