Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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