Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
