last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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