I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
