I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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