i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
