I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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