I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize