So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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