I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
