i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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