the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
