I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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