At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
