omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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