the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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