So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
