my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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