I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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