Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
