A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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