Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
