how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
