You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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