He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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