He kissed a someone with a penis
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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