I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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