I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
