when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
