Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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