Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
