in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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