he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
