All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
