I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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