Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
