I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we should paint friendship bongs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
