a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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