I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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