my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
