I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
