I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
