the day after is always just damage control
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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