$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
