so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
