I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
