Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
