this beer tastes like vomit already
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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