Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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