I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
