and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
