Define "chronic" masturbator.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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