Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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