I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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